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Great post, I find this very relatable, finding my people, where I'm wanted/liked/appreciated/feel I belong (and towards whom I feel the same), is one of the most alive challenges for me, though I suspect I'm behind you on this path. Being unabashedly liked is a great feeling, as is being appreciated for expressing the gifts that I most want to be appreciated for by people I trust to have a good taste in this.

I'm also pleasantly surprised with your turning a bit towards "what do others want from me", as I disliked you a bit in our brief encounter in NYC perceiving you as too self-focused for my taste for more other-focused and considerate people. There's still a bit too much *I*-ness even in this post for my sense of ideal balance on this (which is likely different from yours), but it's cool to see more overlap now with your pondering more belonging/community/*we*-ness themes here.

I enjoyed your "work" post as well, though to me it came off even more *I*-focused than this one, I wonder if that's a well-founded perception reflecting your evolution between then and now.

>“Where is Johnson’s place in the circle of life? Where do I most belong, where am I most called to serve?”

"Commitment" is the word that this brought up to me that connects to what I perceived as your limited attunement to issues of identity in the "work" post. To me "fluid identity" sounds like "I'm not yet sure of who I am, where is my place in the world, what tradition I'm part of, what causes and values are dearest to me, what people share (some of) them that I choose to be around and commit to, what path I'm choosing to devote myself to". From these posts, I don't really perceive you as identity-less: being a "vagrant", "fucking around", "doing what I want" are quite specific choices implying quite specific values and identity to me, as are your apparent interests and involvement in alt-community-building and alt-healing of self and others. I understand you might not be committed to them yet to own them as an "identity", yet imo making those choices and spending years pursuing them will be a layer of who you are/who you become regardless.

I was a bit confused by your section on “work as a source of meaning and purpose". Sure meaning is subjective and internally made, but that doesn't imply "whatever goes". In my read you find some things more meaningful (community-building, intimate relationships, giving ifs/coaching sessions) and some less ("writing code"). For many people the key tradeoff to resolve with career choice is between doing something they like and/or find meaningful, and the rewards society offers for it. I guess you're privileged enough to not face that tradeoff (which also might make the choice harder, "too much freedom with too few constraints"), but might still be facing other ones: accessing good options, finding a community of like-minded comrades.

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